You Are Not An Inconvenience

“You are NOT an inconvenience!” Those words pierced my heart deep with healing. 

I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be an inconvenience, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. Partly because I don’t want the attention. Partly because it matters so much to me to help others, to help make other’s lives easier and better. Partly because I want to be loved and deep down, I want to make sure I make it as easy as possible for others to love me…

I’ve only come to understand this recently and remember the ‘ah ha’ moment well. I was sharing music at the Leading Wholeheartedly Retreat (hosted by Kimberly June Miller author of Boundaries for Your Soul - excellent book, I highly recommend!). I was in LA that weekend to serve, little did I know how much I would learn and be transformed through that rich time. At the end of the retreat a woman I’d only just met walked up to me, stared me in the eyes and said, “You are NOT an inconvenience!” It struck me to the core, so many of my struggles and insecurities all came into focus through that lens. I understood myself more clearly and why I do (or don’t do) so many things. 

It’s like a constant emotional acrobatics routine I’ve imposed upon myself throughout my life. And that’s the key - it’s ALL self-imposed. No one required it of me, except me. I made myself jump through the arbitrary hoops. Me. 

What about you? Are there ways you unnecessarily overcomplicate your life?

My husband every night since we’ve been married (over 10 years) has offered to bring me a glass of water. Until a year ago, I almost always said ‘no thanks’. Why? Because I didn’t want to inconvenience him to bring me a glass of water! Ridiculous, I know! 

When I came home from the retreat last year and told him about my ‘ah ha’ moment of learning that I don’t have to avoid being an inconvenience at all cost - he had a similar ‘ah ha’ moment… “So that’s why you never let me bring you a glass of water!?!” And we both realized how much my living with this reality impacts so much of what I do - large and small. And I had been completely unaware of it.

I thought of my dear friend Sara Groves who penned the lyrics, ‘like a single cup of water, how it matters…’ And I realized that my husband offering to bring me a cup of water matters. It’s a tiny thing, but in that he’s trying to care for me. It’s an act of love. When I deny him, I’m turning away his love…and that matters more than the fear of being an inconvenience.

I share this now not to draw attention to myself. But in case any of you have struggled with this pervasive insecurity of not wanting to be an inconvenience. I want to be for you like the woman who spoke to me that day. Her words of truth began to break the chains that have held my heart bondage.

“You are NOT an inconvenience!”

You are worthy of love. Receive from the people in your life that want to care for you. When we give it brings us joy. When we receive it brings others joy. 

When we don’t receive help or admit we need it, we can end up lonely and isolated and that only perpetuates the unhealthy emotional cycles.

As some of you know our daughter has been sick for months. It’s been hard and exhausting, and in a lot of ways lonely. I haven’t let many people in. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience. So I sat in it until I realized I was beginning to drown. Finally with persistent kindness and thoughtfulness from close family and friends I realized my own folly. I realized how important it is to have community and share each other’s burdens. 

It’s been beautiful to see how people are carrying us through this time. Receiving is still not easy, but I’ve experienced how healing and practically helpful it is. And each time I see that we are not an inconvenience to those showing up to help, it’s their joy to walk with us in this. It’s based solely on a love that’s bigger and higher than my petty insecurities.

So I’m trying to do better at saying yes these days... I folded my cape and tucked it away in the drawer. I don’t need it. I’ve accepted I’m not and will never be super woman. And I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have to be! 

I give you permission to put away your cape too. You don’t have to do it all or be it all. You can let others in. You can receive. We are all in unprecedented times. This brings fresh challenges for each of us. You are not a failure. You’re a human. We were made for community, we are made to do this together, not alone. So here I am celebrating you! You are enough. 

You are NOT an inconvenience!